Monday, March 4, 2013

Why my lunch break is better than your lunch break

I'd like to take the time, now, to talk about how awesome my lunch breaks are.

My start time is 8 AM. Sometimes I roll in at 7:45 because I like to beat my bosses to the office. I'm just that way. I may be the littlest guy (girl) on the totem pole around these parts, but I like to beat everyone here for the day. It's a strange competition, because at the end of the day I'm still at the bottom and they still make more money than my brain can comprehend. AND they get an extra 15 minutes in the morning.

But whatever. It's all mental.

I'm there first, so I must be a winner.


Between the hours of 12:30-1:30 PM is a magical time known as the "lunch hour". For most people it involves just lunch, but for ME it involves so much more. You see, I have about FOUR awesome shopping centers within a five square mile radius of my office building.

This is amazing for so many reasons:

Forgot to pick up macaroni and cheese because that's the only this Peytom will eat this week?
That's OK! Wal-Mart!

I'm out of glue sticks!
That's OK! There's a Joann Fabrics AND a Michaels!

I need a dress for a wedding this weekend!
That's OK! The mall is right there!

I need cute stuff for the house, quick!
That's OK! There's a Pier One AND a Christmas Tree Shop!

I feel like spending my hour wandering aimlessly, looking for one thing, apparently blacking out and leaving the store with my one item plus spending another $200 on stuff I didn't really need.
That's OK! That's why Target is there!

Behold, a map:
I worked really hard on this, guys. Not an exact replica of the shopping situation, but pretty darn close.
And that jug handle? Haaaaaate.

And this, my friends, is how I spend my lunch break EVERY DAY. And it. is. FABULOUS.

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